I Used To Be Her

There are days when I sit and wonder who this girl is

I used to be that girl who never prioritized rest

I used to be that girl who didn’t know how to be still

The girl who considered the art of continuously being busy a lifestyle.

I liked occupying my time with things, every minute planned

I had taught my body to practice the art of sleeping for 4 hours daily

I practiced the art of daily all-nighters like I was studying for a test, but sadly no one was grading me.

I never said no, I always signed up for everything

I got married and this norm continued…. “I have to keep working hard, this is who I am,” I told myself

I have many passions, I can do it all, that is what the bible says about me, I can do all things.

Even after two children I still pushed.

I used to be that girl who knew no boundaries.

Successful? Yes, Passionate about helping people? Yes, Loved Ministry? Yes. Hard worker? Yes.

But there was something wrong with the picture. I never rested.

The truth is I had trained myself to be so content with that reality, that I didn’t see anything wrong with it.

Until one day, God called me to a quiet place.

He made me lie down in what felt like a dark place to me, but looking back I realize there is no other way.

No other way He could have gotten me to be still.

I will share more about this dark place in a future post. As the holidays come around this year I am looking at who I am in a mirror and I see someone different. I see someone who is embracing the time of rest. I am not scared of it, I am not thinking about work, I am not thinking of all the things I have to do. I am embracing the season for what it is. I am spending time with my family and with myself. It seems strange but this is my reality and I like it.

Now I wonder where is that girl, I don’t miss her

I am the girl who has embraced the life of balance

I am the girl who understands that busy all the time is not healthy

I am the girl who makes time for herself, God, family, and friends

I am the girl who is comfortable saying no because I realize that I need to know first at what cost

I am a girl who is growing is and learning from her past mistakes

I am falling in love with me again.