God started to show me that while we can desire to do great and mighty things we consider “supernatural” if the love of Christ for others is not in our hearts then we are not keeping in step with the Spirit and therefore we are limiting our ability to live supernaturally. The miracles, prophesy, and healing without love is nothing.

I know as her mother I would not be able to shield her from the realities of life and I am keenly aware this is part of growth but……I just wish she had the chance to hold on to her innocence much longer, but I guess the reality of life hits sooner with each passing generation.

I made my choice to rest and not hurry. Now, I emerge from the rest and I’m ready to begin the first word in the new chapter, with a smile on my face, a little fear but no doubt and so much peace in my heart……here I go.

How did the Children of Israel ever doubt God after the signs he performed? After the great things, he did. Like seriously though, God parted the red sea in front of them, and some of the most mind-boggling miracles. How could they ever doubt, ever complain, every murmur, ever go back to idols or habits of the past……how?

While taking a walk someday in the summer I saw some children playing outside and I was reminded of a commercial that said “Oh to be like a child again” it had an image of a little girl running in the fields. It made me smile but on that walk……..

There are things I want to do that I just have not done. Let me put it a different way, there are dreams I have had that I have written off as impossible simply because I don’t think can achieve them and yet I know years from now I will look back and them and wonder “but what if I did.”

Your name is the voice of God so know that your words carry weight. Live as someone who carries the Spirit of the living God in him and allow God to be the one that guides the choices you make in life because you are not ordinary; never forget that. I love you so much and I am thankful and beyond proud to be your mother. 

I have always said I want to write more to my children, to leave a legacy of notes and letters for them to read in their older years. I wonder how beautiful it will be when I am gone from this earth for them to read words from my heart. As the saying goes there is no better time than now, so here it goes. 

The night of Arif’s death, we didn’t know what to do with our feelings. One by one, students found their way to the empty ironing room of the second hostel. We stayed in the dark and we all wailed together. I first went to my room, but when I found no one to cry with; I followed the sound of humming I heard until I found my way to the upper room.

Do I only see the good nature of God when life is good and seems fair? What about when the worst of your imagination happens Shile,…..can you really bring yourself to say “God is good.”